there are a lot of times, especialy lately, when I've wondered why it is that God has chosen to bless me the way He has. If you look at history, there are so many people that lived horrid lives, in squalor, famine, slavery, war. Why wasn't I killed in the Hiroshima bombing? Why wasn't I a peasant in Frace during the 100 years war? Why am I not a sex slave in Thailand? Why has God chosen to give so much good in my life?

and I don't know. I don't understand.

But it is a powerful responsibility. And it frightens me, sometimes. I've been given so many gifts-- in my upbringing, my experiences, and so much more-- and to squander them or discount them or not live up to them? How can I possibly justify all the petty things I do or the lazy lifestyle I lead when I have so much opportunity? I mean, I have a Bible! And I have time! And I'm literate and in an environment that supports this and oh!

I just don't know.

Need

Listen. If ever you loved someone young and idealistic, listen, and be still for their sake. Hold these words, this plea, softly in your calloused palm as a tribute to the first awakenings of a calling, the stirrings of an obsession, a need. When your life seems to have nestled into a comfortable, warm nest, remember the moments when it danced and fluttered within you like a small, scared bird—so ready to fly, so filled with an inner urge to soar, but so instinctively afraid of the fall. Remember, and hear my aching voice.

I have a dream. I have a dream that would take flight on fragile, untried wings. I have a dream that would send me soaring into crystalline blue, soft with the dust of clouds. Will you listen to this, the sound of my heart within my chest?

I dream of a world where I can be spent, utterly and completely. I dream of a world where I can be needed, and can give myself fully over to that need until there is no room left for my own self to need. Can you give this to me?

I dream of a world where I can be brave, and can be calm in the face of danger. I dream of a world where I can be a hero, and save lives. I dream of a world where I can weep helplessly, knowing I did everything in my power and still failed to heal the unfixable. I dream of a world where I may spend my life to give others their own. Can you take me there?

I wish nothing more than to save you. Will you let me do this?