Shadowed Companion

"The past, what we have done or not done, slips and flows, like a stream to a carved-out channel, into the things we do years after. It is never safe, or wise, to say that anything is over." --The Last Light of the Sun

Today I am a TCK. Today I am a Missionary Kid. Today, I am Global Nomad. Today, I am an International.

Most days though, I'm just A. I'm A, who just moved here, and is still slogging through the introductions and awkward impression-making. I'm A, who loves cooking and laughing and being outside. I'm A, who wants to work in medicine, exults in dancing, loves the colour green, and who is almost never late for anything. If it's a chore to relate my lifestory to others and wade through explanations and dodge the responding gasps, then it's also a chore to remember it everyday myself, beyond a vague, near-prideless knowledge that I am simply "different".

Today though, today I will be more than a tinge of unusual. Today I will remember who I am and where I come from and all those who have walked with me this far. Today I will glory in the knowledge of companionship in my solitude, and of kinship in my disconnect.

This was a clever title.

There is a particular strain of music which plays in my mind, the days I write here. This is not the entirety of who I am, in these small typed words and melancholic phrases, influenced as they are by contemplation and maudlin, beautiful compositions. This is not even the core of my being--can an amorphous stream have a core? But this is a moment of me, and in this moment, this is the entirety of myself and who I am.

This moment, the entirety of me is old, and tired, and already sitting outside that stream of life and relationships. When one is alone so much, it is easy to forget one's age, and even one's joy's and personality. Impersonalisation and detachment have ever been my peculiar talents.

And I have just become bored. Very suddenly. I think I shall go somewhere are read. Enough of this vanity!