Is it too late to refund responsibility?

I don't want to be sitting here learning about pre-med. I don't want to be in labs, stressing all the time because I have too much on my plate. I don't even think I want to be in medicine at all. Its too nerve-wracking, and makes me feel stretched like a rope that keeps on tensing and tensing and pulling and getting thinner until one day it just frays in two. If Labs are me working under pressure (as it will be under pressure in med-school), how can I possibly find ANY enjoyment out of doing this the rest of my life?

Right now, I would like nothing more than to study languages and history and people, and have a smooth life which does NOT involve sequestering myself away from all of humanity in order to do well.

But then I have to ask myself if this is just the result of a long, tiring day, or is it a constant? Am I just wanting to opt out of something I would love because it is too hard in this moment, or is it really a sign that I should not be studying this?

I was sitting in Physics on last wednesday, and the professor was talking about how if you want answers like "what does it mean to be human", or "why am I here", you should be in philosophy, but if you want answers to questions like "why does a leaf fall to the ground", or "what is the total mass in the galaxy," you should be in Physics.

Want to know a secret? I despaired in that moment, because I realised that I wanted to know about what it means to be human now. I don't want to learn about what happens when a human falls off a cliff, when I don't even know what makes a human!

I'd like to find out if I ought to be taking these classes before the workload kills me, please.

(why can't I just travel the world, meet people, explore, and live life? Why school? Why pointless jobs? Stupid rules!)

O brain, be silent, be still, give me peace.

No more thoughts!